“Then Alexander wept, for there were no more orcs to slay.” -Me, misquoting a quote.
The hawkish talons of Instagram reels and Youtube shorts are firmly clenched in my habit and psyche, like most people’s, I suppose. Recently, I came across a reel that was just a meme set to music. I wish I had screenshotted the image, but I did not. However, I remember it clearly, and I’ve taken pains to recreate the image. Please see my belabored cloning below:
I have a bone to pick with this meme. While I trumpet men slaying demons and monsters with all their might, I throw my glove in the face of any fellow who betrays the domestic needs of his life. I believe a fantasy of glory in another world is a great pit-trap for men, and the trap keeps us from ever reaching the true heights of our potential.
Before I prosecute this meme and its underlying message any further, I must say I understand the desire put forward in it. In fact, just the other day I said to someone at work, “Man, wouldn’t it be easier if all we had to do was go out and fight orcs?” The mundane demands of our life can easily weigh us down. Whether it’s the repeated demands of our bosses, spouses, or the never-ending yard/housework, the boring, everyday needs of life can easily feel like being pecked to death by ducks. In those moments of taking out the trash for the umpteenth time, we men often retreat to our imaginations to concoct a more desirable circumstance. These imagined scenarios, where we win the Olympic gold medal for the fastest trash-taking out race in history, can be of great benefit in conquering mundane responsibilities. Men should, and do, use their imaginations for motivation and inspiration. A basketball player sees the layup in his mind before he executes it, the sculptor is set ablaze on learning a new technique, and the mechanic mentally plows through the myriads of issues a clanking engine might hold. Then there are boys and young men, in particular, who use their imaginations even more. They see behavior they admire and push themselves to be admirable through emulation. The 8-year-old son listens to his father argue against a faulty internet bill, then later apes those same tones on the playground with his peers. A college freshman, panic in his heart, pretends to be at ease around women, like George Clooney, thinking women will find him more appealing if he seems confident. In fact, there is a strong argument to be made that men need to use their imaginations to become great. But that is an argument for another time. The point here is that imagination plays a critical role in men performing good actions, and it helps us persevere through difficult struggles. The danger of imagined fantasies, however, comes about when we create situations that remove us from our reality.
Our reality is, to specify, our real circumstances. And our circumstances are wherever we find ourselves. Whether you are loading the dishwasher or clinging to the heights of Everest, that is reality. The above meme bothers me because the author is saying he is willing to fight demons for his girlfriend, but he is not willing to face the reality of dirty bowls. He rejects reality in favor of fantasy. This is the problem of imagination unbound. He has created a scenario in his mind that is preferable to his real circumstances. He imagines himself noble, heroic and mighty in a fantasy (or potential reality, at best). Now, to be noble, heroic, and mighty are all good things, but there is an implication that if one is willing to be heroic, noble, and mighty against the hordes of hell, then perhaps one is too lofty to be concerned with dishes. Thus, when the need to do dishes leaps from the tall grass, our noble, heroic, and mighty demon-slayer says “I’ve no time for dishes today. I need to be ready to slay demons.” And he soldiers on, secure in his fantastic self-image, leaving the dishes unwashed.
Security born of fantasies inevitably leads us to believe that we are men out of time. We were meant for something great, but we are cursed to live in the here and now. We lament “If only we were born in a different place, at a different time. Then we would be glorious, then we would be heroes!” But to say (or think) such things is foolish. We are born into the only place and time we could possibly be born. This is the only now that we could have come to exist in, and so it follows that the circumstances of our world must also be suited for us to find a purpose. I have philosophical and theological reasons for this as a Catholic, but those who do not share my faith may disagree. I offer then a biological basis for claiming that we are fated to be born in this time and place: every person’s genetic lineage is inextricably linked back to the beginning of mankind, which is inextricably linked to the beginning of time. Every human ever born could only be born because of the exact events of history leading up to the moment of their conception. Which is pretty damn impressive, if you think about it. You, the reader of this essay, exist because of the actions of every single human being who came before you. Only you could exist right now because of the actions of every single human being who came before you. Statistically speaking, dear reader, your existence is not simply anomalous or unlikely: it’s miraculous. If we allow our imagination to create a false, preferable reality to suit our tastes, we deny the once-in-history-of-creation reality of our birth. To truly be meant for something requires that there be no other way for that something to happen. A watch will only accept the gear that was made for it. So too will the time space continuum only accept you when it must be you, and you alone.
Furthermore, we can only know how we would handle a challenge after we have already handled said challenge. In fact, it is only through facing these challenges that we actually improve. When a boy stands up to give his first public speech, or a young man on a date is confronted with a mugger, they find out who they really are, and they cannot say how they will behave until they have experienced these trials firsthand. Once in college, I insisted to a friend of mine that I would hold my own in a fistfight, despite having never been in one. He said, “You need to get punched in the face before you say that.” He was right. Remember, if we are stymied by less difficult challenges, then we certainly can’t defeat more difficult challenges. You won’t slay an orc if you won’t wash a plate. Killing an orc is much harder than washing a plate. We must build up our strength and ability to defeat that which is difficult. Bilbo could not have faced Smaug in “Roast Mutton,” nor could Luke have defeated the Emperor before facing Vader. Bilbo and Luke needed time to face many less-difficult challenges until they faced the hardest fight of their lives. If you, or I, believe that we would be the greatest warrior should the opportunity arise, but we reject the most basic needs and simple struggles of our day, then I’m afraid we have delusions of grandeur.
If you wish to be great, then be the man that is needed right here, right now. It is folly to try to be a man of a different time, place, and purpose. To suggest that you would have a purpose and ability in a fantasy means that you have rejected your real purpose and ability. Let me walk through this with a hypothetical story. George, our stalwart fictional fellow, is single, 24, fresh out of college and prospects. He works a mindless, entry-level, data-punching job for Big-Corp Inc. George daydreams about fighting dragons and slaying orcs, with his beautiful wife and many terrified peasants hiding in the village behind him, as he stands alone against the forces of evil. He fancies that if he were in this actual situation he would be the hero of the story. If only he were born as the chosen one, with untapped power deep within himself, he would be great. He blames his lackluster life on the requirements of society, the economy, his mediocre education, his asthma, and his parents. George thinks reality is the cause of his failure. His imagination confirms this belief. George has fooled himself. George’s fate is to be where and when he is, but the battle against the mundane and mediocre have defeated him so thoroughly that he has fully retreated into a cavern of illusion. What does it matter if he lacks the courage to ask a woman out, when his gorgeous wife waits in his head? Why should he aspire to improve his career, when he’s a long-lost prince in a land far, far away? Only he knows the beauty of his cave, and that makes it all the more precious. But if George could, with courage and fortitude, face the truth of his reality, he could grow. He could find his purpose in the time he was fated to be in. He could overcome the challenges that he is destined to face. We can all be like George, for better or for worse. To do things that are easy and pleasing requires no growth, no worthy effort. Only that which is difficult and/or unpleasant requires worthy struggle. Some of us are doomed to face swords and bullets, while some are doomed to face quarterly reports and pedantic in-laws. All of us are called to bear these burdens well.
Truthfully, I do not think that the person who made this meme intended his audience to prefer fantasy to reality. He likely just made a joke that was profoundly relatable to men. Because when we are asked to do distasteful daily tasks by the women we love, we sometimes feel this way. We want our women to be impressed by us, and we want to be impressive, but wielding a magic sword is way more fun than cleaning a toilet. It would be more fun if we were asked to wrestle an owl-bear instead of being asked to vacuum the living room. Being able to laugh at our desire for greatness is a skill as well. In laughing at it, we recognize our call to greatness, but also dismiss the insidious lie that our desire for greatness means we should reject the mundane. These mundane responsibilities teach us humility, and in this humility we realize that only through our efforts in the small actions do we prepare ourselves for the most important, heroic, moments. As any great man knows, you will not slay any monsters if a coffee-stained mug defeats you.